The Equalizer 3 Review - Denzel’s Italian Vacation from Hell
The Equalizer 3 Review: Denzel’s Italian Vacation from Hell
Rating: 2.0/5
Imagine booking an Italian getaway, only to spend the entire trip dodging generic villains, repetitive action sequences, and a plot thinner than Denzel Washington’s enthusiasm. Welcome to The Equalizer 3, where the picturesque Italian setting provides a gorgeous backdrop—and not much else.
The Plot: Wait, Was There a Plot?
Let’s start with the story—or lack thereof. The film opens with Robert McCall (Denzel Washington) casually massacring baddies in a vineyard because, apparently, crime syndicates love wine country. After taking a bullet, McCall ends up in a picturesque Italian village that looks like it was plucked straight from a tourism commercial. Cue endless shots of cobblestone streets, charming locals, and McCall awkwardly sipping espresso while brooding.
The rest of the movie is basically a glorified postcard for southern Italy, with a sprinkle of “justice” thrown in. A local mafia threatens the town, and McCall decides to save the day because… reasons. If you’re looking for character development or a compelling plot, you’ll find more depth in your average Olive Garden menu.
Denzel Washington: Phoning It In with Style
Let’s talk about Denzel, the man we all know and love. Here, he’s less “Oscar winner” and more “I’m just here for the paycheck.” McCall’s stoic demeanor, which once felt hauntingly cool, now comes across as detached boredom. Denzel spends most of the movie staring into the distance like he’s wondering how much longer this franchise can limp along. Spoiler alert: We’re wondering the same thing.
Even the action sequences lack energy. Watching McCall dismantle bad guys used to be thrilling; now, it feels like watching someone go through the motions of assembling IKEA furniture—methodical, predictable, and utterly uninspired.
Franchise Fatigue: Equalizing Mediocrity
Let’s not sugarcoat things: The Equalizer 3 is proof that Hollywood’s obsession with squeezing every last drop out of a franchise often leads to cinematic disasters. The first film was a solid action flick. The second one? Meh, but still passable. By the third installment, the formula is so tired it’s practically wheezing.
Here’s the recipe: Take one morally ambiguous hero, add a group of disposable villains, sprinkle in slow-motion fight scenes, and top it all off with scenic montages of Italy. Voilà! You’ve got a movie that feels like watching paint dry in slow motion—except the paint has better acting chops.
Action Sequences: Predictable and Painfully Boring
If you’re an action junkie hoping for edge-of-your-seat thrills, prepare for disappointment. The fight choreography is as predictable as a Hallmark Christmas movie. McCall dispatches enemies with the precision of a robot, but there’s zero suspense or creativity. It’s the cinematic equivalent of watching someone fold laundry.
Even the film’s climactic showdown fizzles. By the time McCall faces off against the Big Bad Mafia Boss™, you’ll be wishing you were watching literally anything else. Maybe John Wick. Or better yet, reruns of The Golden Girls.
Italian Tourism: The Real Winner
Let’s be honest: This movie isn’t about justice or vengeance—it’s about showing off Italy. The sweeping landscapes, the charming cafes, the vibrant markets… it’s all there, like a two-hour tourism campaign disguised as an action flick. I half-expected McCall to start handing out brochures for Sicily halfway through.
But even the gorgeous visuals can’t save this trainwreck. Sure, the town is pretty, but when the characters and story are this dull, it feels like window d/assets/images/blog/2023-09-25-the-equalizer-3-review—denzel-brutal-02.jpg.
Final Verdict: Skip the Gelato
If The Equalizer 3 is supposed to be a thrilling conclusion to Robert McCall’s story, then I’d rather leave it unfinished. This lazy cash grab is weighed down by franchise fatigue, uninspired performances, and a plot so thin it might blow away in a light breeze. Even Denzel Washington, one of Hollywood’s finest, couldn’t salvage this mess.
Sure, the Italian scenery is nice, but you’d be better off watching a travel documentary. At least those don’t pretend to have a plot.
Rating: 2.0/5
Affiliate Picks for Discerning Viewers
Did The Equalizer 3 leave you disappointed? Don’t worry—we’ve got you covered with some entertaining alternatives and gear to enhance your movie nights.
John Wick Blu-Ray Collection
Action done right! Relive Keanu Reeves’ journey through thrilling, well-choreographed chaos.
Italian Travel Documentary Set
Want to explore Italy without the mafia nonsense? This set showcases the beauty of Italy sans the lazy action tropes.
Author Bio: Rex Sarcasmo is your guide to
